Here is Avril Lavigne doing a photoshoot for the Abbey Dawn fashion line. I don’t know what other people say, but I can totally dig on Avril. Sure she’s not the classiest girl at times, but Avril definitely looks hot in anything she wears. While I’m not sold on these clothes, I’m pretty sold on Avril. Too bad she’s married because I’d totally let Avril Lavigne reject me with her middle finger!

Seen here in, admittedly, the best shape I’ve ever seen her in, Kim Kardashian is the latest celebrity to defend Jessica Simpson whose startling plumpness has become our nation’s greatest crisis. Not counting that war and the stuff with the money. In a move that just sent Jessica teetering off the edge to depression, Kim gave an interview for People which they described as “one curvy girl to another”:

“I actually love the outfit. I think she looks amazing. I love high-waisted jeans, I loved that belt, and her hair looked fabulous.”
Adds Kardashian, who’s attending the Super Bowl this weekend with football player beau Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints, “I get that she does look curvier, but to me, there’s nothing wrong it.”
No stranger herself to barbs about her own curvy physique, Kardashian says, “It doesn’t really bother me anymore. I love curves. Being super skinny just isn’t attractive to me. When I saw that picture, I knew everyone was going to say something. And I thought, ‘You know what? Leave Jessica alone!’ She’s fabulous, she’s a really sweet girl, and I admire her for putting up with it.”

PEOPLE EDITOR #1: Quick, who’s a celeb that will basically let us call her fat just by asking her opinion on Jessica Simpson in exchange for free publicity?
EDITOR #2: Kim Kardashian.
EDITOR #1: Oh, good call.

Britney Spears maybe crazy as all get out, but it’s hard to deny she still looks good! I don’t know why, but I’ve thought Britney to be pretty hot through the good times and the bad. And lately there’s been a lot of bad. But never fear Britney Spears, lots of people still support you. Looking this good helps out a lot too!

Paris Hilton got plastered last night in London while she’s in town promoting the British edition of My New BFF. She also made probably the most sensual face I’ve seen in my life. I’m actually contemplating a lifetime of itchiness over here.

In the meantime, I may have added some captions to a couple of these photos just like I’ve been secretly doing to previous posts, but who’s to say? Hint hint nudge nudge.

Ashlee Simpson took to her blog to defend Jessica Simpson’s honor which I assumed got mistaken for a Ho-Ho because I’m a terrible person:

I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister’s weight. A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman’s weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.
All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you’re a celebrity, there shouldn’t be a different standard.
Is this something you would say to your wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, or even a friend?
I seriously doubt it.
How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?
Now can we focus on the things that really matter.

Yeah, I’m with you, Ashlee. How dare FOX News run a headline about your sister’s weight? That’s my job! Do I report the news solely from a blatant Republican viewpoint? Shit no. So let’s try and maintain some boundaries, people. For journalism’s sake.

So Joaquin Phoenix might not be one voice inside his head away from crapping on the red carpet at the Oscars. Damn. Turns out his “rap career” could just be an elaborate ruse he cooked up with Casey Affleck, according to Entertainment Weekly:

Either Phoenix is perpetrating an elaborate Andy Kaufman-style hoax (with an assist from his friend and brother-in-law Casey Affleck, who’s ostensibly shooting a documentary about his career transition), or he’s truly lost his marbles. The truth, it seems, is closer to the former. “He said, ‘It’s a put-on. I’m going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it,’” says one source who recently worked with Phoenix.

Before everyone says “I told you so,” I should probably point out that was an overheard conversation between Joaquin and a banana. They were married later that night and divorced/turned into a smoothie the next morning when Joaquin realized it was the government trying to steal his toothpaste. Love is a cruel mistress.

• Kristen Stewart always looks high – Celebslam
• Russell Brand needs multiple women a day – Anything Hollywood
• Paris Hilton to collaborate with Lady Gaga? – Allie is Wired
• Paula Abdul is hot, throws fit – Socialite Life

• AnnaLynne McCord is quite seductive – Celeb Gossipz
• Babes on the bull – Hollywire
• Kim Kardashian dressed down is still hot – HQ Celebrity
• Rose McGowan is a sexy link minx – Celebrity Odor

Here’s Hayden Panettiere on the set of Heroes yesterday showing her thong while riding the back of Adrian Pasdar. Six months ago this would’ve seemed like the second coming of Christ to me, but now? Nothin’. Actually, let’s not even go there. There’s still an empty hole in my heart that burns each day. God, I’m so sensitive. Like Shakespeare but less queer and shit.

Christina Aguilera has amazing cleavage. She was out in London, and Christina decided to awe us with their glory. I mean, they must’ve stopped traffic and everything.  You know it must be a bit chilly because Christina is wearing a pretty good sized jacket, but that won’t stop her from showing off that ample bosom! And we all thank her for it! All I know is that I wish I could be handling Christina Aguilera and those beautiful things. Maybe she’ll mistake me for her child!

While she waits for her adoption papers to clear, Megan Fox has been given a golden opportunity to replace Angelina Jolie thus delaying her plans to eventually stab the Oscar winning actress and eat her soul to complete the transformation. Too scientific? My bad. Long story short, Megan Fox is up for the role of Lara Croft in a new Tomb Raider film. E! News reports:

According to the Hollywood Reporter, the third film will completely reboot the video-game-based character, including changing her origin story (most likely shying away from her English aristocracy roots), and introduce new kinds of missions, love interests and villains.
And, most notably, a new leading lady.
While producers say an actress likely won’t be cast until a writer and director have signed on, Fox has emerged as the frontrunner replacement, at least as far as the blogosphere is concerned.

I had no idea a pair of implants and tattoos could be so effective. That gives me an idea….

UPDATE: So, apparently, getting a Yosemite Sam tattoo does not make you a suitable replacement for Hugh Jackman. I don’t even know how to describe how messed up that is. Seriously, Hollywood, you’re just being weird now.