Lady GaGa partied her face off in London last night. She started out the evening at Club Bungalow only looking slightly ridiculous before getting hammered at a private party. I love how she attempts to hide her face in some of these shots because that’s what’s drawing everybody’s attention. “Wait, there was an insanely dressed pop-star here a second ago. Now there’s just some girl in a bra with a hand over her face. I should go home and regret the errors of my way. Awww….”

Britney Spears’ sons Jayden James and Sean Preston seem to be adapting nicely to Kevin Federline’s girlfriend Victoria Prince. He recently took all of them, along with his children from Shar Jackson, up to the mountains for a getaway. This marks the first time I’ve seen a blonde woman holding Jayden in the woods where I didn’t instantly think “Shit, that kid’s getting fed to a bobcat.” On a more serious note, Sean has moved up a notch in Britney’s book for not sucking up to new mommy. Somebody doesn’t have to sleep in the garage tonight. Yippee!

Paris Hilton wants everyone to know “she’s a really strong person who’s been through a lot.” Her dumb blonde image is just something she cooked up for The Simple Life to get even more rich which is actually kind of smart. If it were true. People reports:

“For five seasons I was stuck doing this character,” she says. “It was kind of hard always having to play that character when it’s not who I am.”
She adds, “I just say jokes but they think I’m serious, which I think is funny, and I think I kind of play up the image sometimes because – whatever – it’s just entertainment.”

To further prove her genius, Paris stepped out into the chilly London morning today without a bra or coat on which makes me wonder how she’s not building rockets for NASA. It’s practically a crime against science.

Despite reports that Joaquin Phoenix’s rap career is an elaborate hoax for a documentary, his rep Susan Patricola sent the following statement to MTV News to set the record straight/basically admit her client is fucking batshit:

“The transition from one career to another is never seamless. It should come as no surprise to anyone that Joaquin came from a musical family, in addition to winning a Golden Globe for his portrayal of Johnny Cash,” Patricola wrote in an e-mail. “He intends on exploring his musical interests despite speculative, negative or positive reactions.”

Oh, Joaquin Phoenix won a Golden Globe for playing Johnny Cash. So by that logic, if Brad Pitt had won for Benjamin Button, he would’ve gained the creative license to age backwards. Jesus. Are you sure this was Joaquin’s rep who wrote this and not the guy he shoots heroin with inside a teepee?

Just because this seem apropos, here’s Russell Crowe finally working out in Sydney this morning after stubbornly refusing to shed the weight he gained for Body of Lies. His gut supposedly cost Sienna Miller the role of Maid Marian in Ridley Scott’s Nottingham because she’d make Russell look huge. I guess they threatened to cast Rosie O’Donnell because after his bike ride, Russell ran a marathon then started at least ten bar fights. Good for the cardio.

Beautiful thing about doing this is that I get to see hotties like Mischa Barton in magazines I normally would never hear of. Mischa is on the cover of Jack magazine, and she wows me just like she did in Maxim Germany! This magazine issue mixes techno-lust and real lust to create a perfect combination of hotness that I like! I’d let Mischa Barton play with my buttons any day!

Jessica Simpson, perhaps you’ve heard her name in passing this week, was spotted arriving in Charlottesville, Va. last night where the paparazzi told her she looked gorgeous earning them a smile. I gotta hand it to Jessica Simpson. Most celebs *cough Lindsay cough* would’ve gone crying to their blogs if they were in her shoes. I mean, sure, Jessica can’t read or write, but why would you even bring that up? Seriously, not cool.

Britney Spears posted more rehearsal pics on her website, and apparently she workouts in a bikini top. While typically my reaction would be “Britney? Bikini? Take me, sweet death!“, she actually looks insanely good for someone who spent a good chunk of 2008 keeping Taco Bell in business. Wait a minute, didn’t the economy start collapsing once Britney dropped the weight? Get me Washington!

Jessica Biel looks pretty sleepy or something in these candids of her going to the gym in Los Angeles. I don’t blame Jessica because I don’t get up to go to the gym. But it’s good for Jessica to keep her amazing body in shape for photos like these. I actually like seeing some of these hot celebrities in their natural state like this because it gives me a chance to see whether they’re hot or doctored up. It’s safe to say Jessica Biel is naturally that hot!

Hayden Panettiere was on the set of Heroes when she decided to get a piggy back ride. While a goofy idea, it does give us a good look at one thing — Hayden’s thong! While not all of these pics are of her thong, you do get a good look at the item in question. For some reason I find this far more exciting than just a picture of Hayden in a thong. Maybe it’s the sexy teasing something like this has to offer. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll stare at pictures of her in a thong for about 5 straight hours! Check out her thong and some other boring pictures of Hayden Panettiere!